I am yet again stuck on a Sunday morning with nothing started on today’s post. I’ve done this to myself a lot lately – and it is not normally how I operate! I prefer to thoroughly plan, develop and execute tasks. I would not save homework for the last minute, I was rarely forced to cram for tests. So why do I continue to put my weekly writing off until the morning it is “due”?!?
I sincerely love those weeks when I have time to just write – time to process thoughts and talk to God through writing (especially with a cup of Panera coffee in hand). If writing is not your thing, that may be hard to understand – but for me it is therapeutic, pulls me into scripture and closer to God. But we’ve been SO busy lately! So busy that it feels selfish to take time to write.
“Hey honey – I know you’ve been basically parenting on your own lately while I work 80 hours a week. Mind if I take a few more hours to sit in front of a computer by myself?”
Yes – I’m whining. It’s all about balance, and I will make this time for myself soon. It may not look exactly like I want it to – over lingering Panera coffee, or outside on some sunny picnic table in a secluded place. But if it is important enough, I will make the time.
Back to today – still need something to write about! The wonderful thing about not having this personal time to develop and execute a thoughtful writing is that this could happen…. Over breakfast on a rainy Sunday morning, I say to my family – “I don’t know what to write about today – can you help?”
I say I was considering writing about something that happened with my 3-year-old one afternoon this week. She was being silly – she put her coat on backwards, put her hood up over her face, and then just giggled! I gripped her little hand, and led her to the car, blinded by the dark hood.
I said to her – “Trust me. I’ll lead you safely to the car.” I expected apprehension, a halted step, or a pause to pull the coat down and peek at the path ahead. But she didn’t. She maintained contact with my hand and simply allowed me to lead her, no hesitation; full trust that I was present and would keep her safe. Is that a sign of her young age, her personality, her knowledge in my desire to love and protect her?
I was envious. I want to be willing to walk that blindly through life – giving up all to a God who loves and guides! There will be moments we stumble, but I need to trust God’s presence beside me guiding me to the end.
So our little family talked about this together. My son thought it was similar to the Saul to Paul story we had all just heard in church a few weeks ago; only when Saul was blinded could he begin to see. We talked about letting God be our guide, leading us as we make choices and move forward in life.
This reminded my 7-year-old of a conversation we’d had earlier in the week. He can be scared in the spring when he hears of the threat of tornadoes. So he asked: “Why won’t God just stop the tornado from coming down?” We talked about how God could, but doesn’t work that way – God isn’t a puppet-master directing a big play down on this place called Earth. The human experience comes with ups and downs and decisions – God is present, but doesn’t manipulate every action. (Seriously – this kid takes me deep. We’ll soon need a resident theologian to have discussions with us!)
Back to Sunday morning… My husband interjected – but trusting in God as we walk through life (like my daughter was guided through the parking lot) means we don’t have to be afraid of these things we can’t control.
“Right.” my daughter says. I wasn’t even sure she was listening to our conversation at this point. But she continues: “Because God is with us.”
Drop mic, end conversation. Breakfast is over. We talked, we asked questions, we worked through answers, asked more questions. God was present and it was beautiful.
Maybe saving my writing until the last minute isn’t such a bad thing after all.