As an accountant, you might think I spend my entire day creating formulas and compiling numerical data. This is mostly true – much of my day is spent in an excel spreadsheet. And I’ll admit, a balanced spreadsheet brings me great joy – something you non-accountant types will never understand!
But you might be surprised at how much reading and writing we have to do; particularly at this time of year. We write pages of wordy annual filing disclosures, scrutinizing how the reader might interpret our use of the word “was” versus the word “were.” We write memos detailing complicated transactions. Then we get to read and review the words other people have written. By the end of the day, my head is swimming with numbers and accounting terminology, and all I want to do is mentally shut down!
Usually reading and writing is my escape – my sanctuary. It is far easier for me to reflect upon my faith and share my story through the written word. Yet this week, sitting down to write feels more like a burden than a means of escape and reflection.
I will be starting a new online seminary class in a couple of weeks: Faith and Money – Breaking the Taboo. I’m terrified, yet equally drawn towards this topic. More on this later, I’m sure… The instructor assigned a couple of books to read in advance of our start date. My copy of ‘Sharing Possessions: What Faith Demands” arrived in the mail. I am eager to start reading. Yet every time I open the book and start to read, I get lost in the big theological words, and my mind is unable to develop those deeper thoughts required to understand this important subject.
This week, as my self-imposed Sunday deadline for blog posting approached, my mind was completely blank. Writing felt like another stress-producing item on my ‘to do’ list. Yet here I am… sitting quietly, surrounded by stillness, writing words. I will have no profound, divinely inspired, faith formative clarity this week. But right now, I am OK with that!
Throughout life and in our ongoing attempt to stay in relationship with God, we have ups and downs. Right now, I know I can’t sit and read or write deep theological thought. But one day soon I will. In the meantime, I can sit here and quite simply know that God loves me, God is with me, and God is constantly at work with and through me. And today, that is profound enough for me!